Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations on Criticism

The year was 177 AD. Marcus Aurelius, encamped in a dark forest near the upper Danube, was surrounded by hostile forces. He was pretty sure his legions would throttle the barbarians, but in war you never can tell. What’s more, grief over the loss of his beloved wife, Faustina, weighed heavy on his spirit… even sunny days seemed gloomy.

What really kept him up at night was his son, Commodus. Marcus would be leaving his precious Rome in Commodus’ hands before long and Commodus hadn’t turned out to be the man Marcus had hoped he’d be. To call Commodus a disappointment would be a massive understatement. You can only imagine the volcano of criticisms, which tried to erupt from Marcus’ lips and flow down upon his son. 

From this crucible came Aurelius’ immortal stoic masterpiece, Meditations. What does this stoic master have to teach us about giving criticism a little more gently and receiving it with a little less neuroticism?

Before sharing with you some of Marcus’ pertinent quotes, I should mention something Marcus liked to call, ‘The Logos.’ One of Aurelius’ core beliefs was that the entirety of human society is something like a single organism. All human beings have a share in the logos. Defining logos is no easy task. But for the sake of this little chat, let’s call logos the active force which pervades the universe and animates both living and nonliving things. You can think of it like the force that the Jedi endeavor to control in Star Wars. What’s more, Aurelius believed that each human, all of whose fates are interwoven, has a role to play in the massive tapestry that is our shared world. What’s more, each of our roles in the universe were predetermined by fate. 

Great, you might say. But what does that have to do with criticism? Well, next time you’re about to blow a fuse, think of it this way: when you’re giving criticism, according to the logos, in some ways you’re passing judgment on a part of yourself. And next time a deluge of verbal sewage is raining down on your own shoulders, know that when you receive criticism it’s not just some alien being laying into you. In some sense, according to the logos, some part of yourself is trying to teach you something.

Let’s get a little more granular and talk about some of the things Marcus Aurelius himself actually said. There have been a bunch of translations of Marcus’ Meditations. Some, like the masterful one by Gregory Hays, were great. On the other end of the spectrum, some were convoluted and abstruse. So, I’m paraphrasing my good buddy Marcus here.

Let’s start with what Marcus had to say about being on the receiving end of criticism.

Marcus Aurelius said: It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but, somehow, we care more about their opinion than our own.

And Marcus said that two millennia ago. Think about how it has been magnified in the age of social media. Every teenage girl is one post away from the infinite criticism of nameless, faceless, heartless judges.

Marcus Aurelius also said: When someone hates you or criticizes you, go to their souls, penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are. You’ll realize that their opinion of you shouldn’t cause you to be racked with anxiety.

Thanks Marcus, that’s awesome. I guess, if they’re shitty people, you’d say, who gives a fig what their opinion is. Don’t let it get under your skin. On the other hand, if they’re high quality folk, they might have something to teach you.

You’ve got that straight, Marcus Aurelius responded, and then he added: If anyone disproves the words I say, or demonstrates my deeds are in some way wrong, or shows me I’m not seeing all the facts-- I’ll gladly change. After all, truth is power and self deception is a pernicious weakness.

I’ll buy that, Marcus.

Marcus Aurelius said: If something is right or true and needs to be said or done and you are in the right place and time to say or do it, then say or do it. Let the criticism and discouragement that others try to heap upon you roll off your back. Don’t let them distract you from the path. 

Wow, another great insight Marcus! I’m curious about that last part, though. Marcus was pretty specific on that one. I mean, ‘Don’t let them distract you from the path.’ He could’ve said, ‘your path’, but he said ‘the path’. It goes back to the concept that all human beings are connected, like a single organism. And we all have a share in the logos, the animating force of the universe. So, he believed the things he said and did would be good or bad for all of society. Which, in his case, as the Emperor of Rome was no doubt true. And to some degree, it’s true for us all.

I have another question though Marcus. What if it’s not just criticism, it’s a mean spirited verbal attack. 

Marcus Aurelius said: Whenever somebody wrongs you, the first thing to ask yourself is, ‘What conception of good and evil led him to be such a bastard?’ And when you understand that, your surprise and anger will melt away like snow in a spring rain, and you’ll be filled with pity.

So, that’s your perspective on receiving criticism. Fantastic, Marcus, now I’ll be able to stomach other people’s belly aching without getting indigestion myself. But let’s turn the tables. What have you got to say about doling out criticism?

Marcus Aurelius said: Whenever you’re about to jump down someone’s throat, ask yourself the following: Which of my many faults most closely resembles the one I’m about to criticize.

Oh, sort of like, living in a glass house and throwing stones.

Marcus Aurelius also said: If someone makes a stupid and annoying mistake, putting them down will help neither them nor yourself. Instead, quietly model the right behavior. You’ll be emulated.

There Marcus goes again, rising above the individual. He didn’t say modeling the right behavior would be copied only by the person who did or said something wrong. It was more comprehensive and inclusive, ‘You'll be emulated.’ He strove not only to teach the person he was criticizing, but to spread the good word and make the world a better place. He also says here, ‘help them or yourself,’ not just ‘them.’ In other words, as a bonus, in modeling proper behavior one perfects one’s own character. 

Marcus Aurelius said: If someone is doing something bad, ask yourself, what’s motivating the action?

Good point Marcus. Who knows, he might have just gotten dumped by the love of his life. Or just been fired from his job. Or, like Jean Valjean, he may be stealing bread to feed his sister's starving children.

Marcus Aurelius said: Don’t be irritated by someone who has bad body odor or foul breath. If you can, make him realize it and perhaps solve the underlying problem.

Yeah, Marcus, you’re right again. And it’s not just the physical, either. Sometimes people just can’t help being assholes.

I hope you have a better understanding of criticism, both from a scientific and philosophical perspective. Thank you for reading. Please share this with a friend.

If you’d like to learn more about the brain science behind nagging https://brain2mind.substack.com/p/whats-all-that-nagging-doing-to-your